Rest

I'm so tired of trying to do things in my own strength. Anything I do will fail. Anything. I am not capable of succeeding at anything. Whatever I try to do out of my own strength is for the wrong motives and will not work. What does succeed in my life is what Jesus does through me. And his rest is so sweet. When I let go, stop trying and realize my inability, I come to this place of peace and rest in the Lord. He can do it all, and what is good in me is him. When I rest and just let him move through me, it's always infinitely better. 

I am still so afraid of letting go completely and trusting him unconditionally. Especially when it comes to my life. For some stupid reason I constantly think that I know better then he does. That I can control what happens to me. It's utterly ridiculous. I know nothing. There is nothing in me that is worthy. It's only him. Anything else in me is pride. I have to close my eyes, lean back and trust my cable to hold me. He will guide me. He will direct me. I don't need to know more than that. 

This last period of my life has been so much about dwelling in his rest. About trusting him for provision, for direction, for time. The human part of me wants so much to freak out about not knowing, to assume things, to jump to conclusions, to control. I still haven't fully realized my death to the old. My body is dead. What lives is Christ. I need fresh revelation of that daily. It's not that I need to die more. It's a finished work. I'm dead. I've been dead since I accepted the Lord, since Jesus died for me on his cross. I don't continue to die day by day. It's that I haven't fully realized that death. 

I love the peace that comes with ceasing my striving, the heavy relief. It's not about me anymore, it's about him. And he is then free to do as he pleases in my life, and I can get out of the way and let him move. It's truly wonderful.