Faith

I know it's been forever. I haven't really wanted to write anything for the last month. I'm officially twenty two now. I don't know what to say. Everything seems too much to talk about. I don't want to talk. I just want to avoid everything. Sorry, this is sounding really depressing. I don't have enough faith and I never will. I'm always going to fall short, I'm always going to fail. How is that even though I've been in this position before (and I know full well God's ability to provide), I lack so completely the ability to have faith. 

I'm so stressed out right now. Everyone is. And I can't stand romance right now. (Sorry, swift subject change.) The idea of it turns my stomach, literally. 

I can't do anything. God won't let me. I can't get a job, I feel like I have no purpose to my life (I know thats a lie), and... yeah. Things are tight right now. Everyone in the family is so tense that it feels like strings on a guitar wound to the point of snapping. I'm afraid of getting hit with one in the face, or of hitting someone. Why am I so incapable of just dying to myself? Why can't I just stop struggling madly? I know I'm a moody, emotional wreck, I know I'm making all kinds of messes and mistakes. I want to rip my hair out from the roots. I can't handle the stress anymore. 

Some way or another I'm going to have to have faith in who God is. I won't be able to make it without it. 

EDIT: Goodness, I was grumpy last night. But you know, God is faithful. Always. And I will never be alone for the rest of my life. I just needed to remember the things I know without doubt. I'm doing great this morning after a few hours alone with him. Sorry if I scared anybody!